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Lessons From the Lemonade Stand38:08 with Carl Smith
Kids are better entrepreneurs than we are. They show up excited, listen to their customers and make sure everyone is happy. But something happens as they grow up. Kids lose their enthusiasm and ability to empathize. Then they become us. Super busy adults, always tired, cranky and never having enough time to do a good job. Why does this happen and how can we get that fun swagger of our youth back? The answers may delight you.
[APPLAUSE] >> Thank you sir. 0:00 How's everybody doing, you guys ready for a beer. 0:02 >> Yes. 0:06 Wow, that was worse than the mug. 0:08 Awesome. 0:09 >> [LAUGH]. 0:10 >> I gotta tell you, it's not gonna be good talk if you guys are like that. 0:11 You gotta be funny and laughing. 0:13 >> [LAUGH]. 0:15 There you go, see that works. 0:17 All right. 0:19 Before I get started. 0:19 I just want a simple poll. 0:21 How many of you know the importance of this date? 0:24 January 26th, 2007, anybody out there? 0:27 Nobody? 0:30 >> Graduation! 0:33 I'm gonna give you a hint. 0:35 >> [LAUGH]. 0:37 On January 26th, 2007, a blog post was put up that basically talked about a web shop 0:41 and how much money they had made and how 0:48 much they were paying themselves and all these things. 0:49 It was the same day that my four year old company was so desperate 0:51 for cash that I sold my house to my parents to get the equity out. 0:55 And pay off credit card debt and all this and one of my partners actually 1:01 came up to me and said, why are 1:04 we struggling when everybody is doing so great? 1:06 Now that shop went out of business a couple years later, we're still around. 1:09 But the worst part was when I went home and my wife 1:13 who had always been super supportive said, what are we going to do? 1:17 Because we had two little kids and I obviously wasn't a very good entrepreneur. 1:22 Now that night, I did what a lot of people do when they're facing a lot of stress. 1:28 I had a glass or perhaps a bottle or perhaps several bottles of wine. 1:33 Do not judge me, you do not know my life. 1:37 >> [LAUGH]. 1:39 But I went to bed, horrible sleep and then 1:41 the most amazing thing happened on Saturday, January 27th. 1:45 I woke up at 5:30 in the morning to this, my five year old 1:51 daughter thinking it would be hilarious to jump on the bed while daddy is sleeping. 1:57 She did not know about the wine or the effects it 2:04 could have on someone who maybe jumped on the next morning. 2:06 But I [LAUGH] settled down and I looked down and I said, what are you doing? 2:09 And she goes today's the day. 2:16 And I'd go today's the day and she'd go, yes today is the day! 2:19 And I'd go it's, it's, it's the day for what? 2:24 And she goes for the lemonade stand. 2:26 Now even in Florida in late January it's a little cold. 2:29 [LAUGH]. 2:34 It was about 30 degrees that day. 2:35 And it was also 5:30 in the morning. 2:38 But she said, today's the day. 2:42 And I started to explain to her why today was not the day. 2:44 I said, sweetheart the sun hasn't come up. 2:47 And she's like, yes, we've got to get started. 2:51 And I said it's gonna be really cold and people don't want lemonade on a cold day. 2:53 And she goes, you have to have faith. 2:57 And then I started to say something else and she looked at 3:01 me with a seriousness that only a five year old can muster. 3:03 And she said the two words that any parent when 3:08 they hear these two words they have a decision to make. 3:11 Am I going to raise a child to believe 3:15 that the world is full of liars that do not 3:17 keep their commitments or am I going to show her 3:19 that there are good people who are willing to help. 3:23 And if you have kids you know these two words. 3:25 You promised. 3:28 Now I have no idea if I promised or not but I said okay. 3:31 And I said all right we're going to do this and so we got up and 3:35 we got the sign somehow my wife who had no wine sleeps through all of this. 3:39 Right? 3:45 But we get the sign and she gets a green 3:46 marker and she starts writing the first word really big. 3:48 And that word is free. 3:51 And I was like, I am getting out of bed at 5:30 on a Saturday morning. 3:53 It's cold outside and we're gonna give away lemonade. 4:00 And I said darling I don't think this is a good idea. 4:05 And she goes, you gotta have faith, right. 4:07 And then we go out, it's probably about 6:30 by then. 4:11 We're sitting out front, we've got this sign 4:16 and a big black pickup truck comes by with 4:19 oversized wheels [NOISE] and the guy rolls down 4:22 his windows and goes you got any hot cocoa? 4:25 [LAUGH] And she said, no but we will come back. 4:28 [LAUGH] And she got up and left my sorry ass outside in 30 degree weather. 4:31 Trying to give away lemonade. 4:37 Now I didn't even know if we had hot cocoa or hot chocolate. 4:38 She was convinced we did and she went inside to get it. 4:42 Later she came out and we had a new sign. 4:46 Now look at her poor face. 4:49 Look at how cold she is. 4:51 Right? 4:53 Free lemonade and hot cocoa. 4:53 The guy actually came back. 4:57 [LAUGH] Rolls down the window, says did you get the cocoa? 4:59 She says yes, hands him a cup and he says how much is it? 5:04 And with the most sweetest, innocent smile, she goes it's free. 5:08 And he said thank you and handed her five dollars. 5:13 [LAUGH] I don't know what the mark-up on that would be, right? 5:15 [CLAP] This kid's kicking my ass as an entrepreneur. 5:19 [LAUGH] And I'm trying to be okay with it. 5:24 I gotta be honest with you, I was a little bit like what? 5:27 I didn't want to give the money back to the guy but 5:29 I was like you are not teaching the right lesson here sir. 5:31 [LAUGH]. 5:33 Later, she recruited her younger sister to come out while she opened a back office. 5:35 And start calculating everything that's going on and this went on for a few hours. 5:43 Now Alyssa, who is the younger daughter in front, went 5:48 and got cookies, chocolate chip cookies and the cookies were free. 5:51 And they continued doing this for several hours and people continued to give money. 5:57 I few people didn't, most people did. 6:03 And then finally, these 3 teenage girls are walking by at about 9:30, 10:00AM. 6:04 And they say, how much are the cookies? 6:11 And Caley goes, they're free. 6:13 And they go oh, and they took them all. 6:15 They say how much is the hot cocoa? 6:17 And Caley goes, it's free and they took it all. 6:18 And then they walked on about their way. 6:21 I was really pissed. 6:25 I was like this is horrible. 6:27 What kind of example? 6:28 But I looked at Caley and she was just smiling bigger than ever. 6:29 >> [LAUGH] And she goes we're done. 6:32 >> [LAUGH]. 6:33 And I said, I said, wait a minute, you're not upset that they took the cookies. 6:36 And she goes, now they were free. 6:40 Like I didn't get it, right. 6:42 Now, the most amazing part of this was, we go 6:45 inside and she starts counting it up and she had $38.00. 6:49 Right? 6:54 $38 for probably three hours worth of work and 6:55 I don't think that the out of pocket was 6:58 that much on the crappy chocolate powder, right and 7:00 then she says I'm taking the family to lunch. 7:04 >> [LAUGH]. 7:08 Something I hadn't been able to do for almost three years, right. 7:09 And to say that she was happy about it, [LAUGH] 7:13 she was pretty content. 7:17 She had her mom sun glasses on, she took us all out and had I been 7:19 a bigger person had I been a smarter 7:23 person, I would of learn a lesson that day. 7:25 Right. 7:27 She showed up enthusiastic. 7:28 She had a plan she was going to stick to and she 7:31 wasn't going to let somebody like me tell her it was no good. 7:33 She let her customers set the value of what she was providing and she 7:36 listened to them when they wanted a 7:40 different product and then she rewarded her team. 7:42 And most importantly, she knew when it was time to move on, right? 7:46 The next day, I was ready to go sell 7:51 lemonade again because I thought this may actually work. 7:53 Right? 7:57 And she said no, we're going riding bikes in 30 degree weather and we did. 7:57 Now, unfortunately I did have to go back to work the next Monday. 8:03 And things got better and we figured it out and we 8:09 raised rates and we understood our value and did all those things. 8:12 And over a number of years my other partners decided they 8:18 wanted out and it was very amicable and we took care of 8:21 that and I ended up with a team of about 10 people 8:24 and we started trying to figure out what we wanted to do. 8:26 And we got to a place where the company was successful. 8:30 And a lot of it was by just listening to each other 8:33 and talking with each other and understanding what we were good at. 8:35 And then about three years ago, I realized I was done. 8:38 I didn't wanna do this anymore. 8:43 I didn't wanna do client service anymore but I didn't know how to stop. 8:45 I did have a buy out offer at one point but I 8:52 was scared that if they really looked at it, they wouldn't want anymore. 8:55 Right? 8:59 And even if they did, I had all these 9:00 people who had followed me and trusted me and now 9:02 I am gonna give them to a stranger and plus, 9:05 I mean, it was about eight years of my life. 9:08 You know, ten years, when I finally got to 9:11 a point that I understood what I was doing. 9:13 And to give that much of your life away for some amount of money just felt wrong. 9:15 So instead, I started on what I called my irrelevant strategy. 9:21 I decided that I would become so irrelevant that 9:25 nobody came to me and I would just be there. 9:28 Now, we ended up becoming a distributed company. 9:31 This is much easier when nobody sees you, right? 9:33 But the same thing would happen for a period of weeks; somebody would come 9:36 to me and I would say what's going on and they would say the 9:40 client has this issue and I would say what do you think we should 9:44 do and they would say I think we should go back and offer this. 9:47 And I would say, do that and let me know go it goes. 9:51 And then, it would rarely come back, right. 9:53 What's the problem? 9:56 I'm not sure we're gonna make this deadline. 9:58 What do you think we should do. 10:00 I think we can tighten things up over. 10:01 Do that, let me know how it goes. 10:03 And over time they started running things themselves. 10:05 And it was just brilliant, I mean it was absolutely brilliant. 10:08 Now two years ago, I got to a 10:12 point where we were just letting everybody make decisions. 10:15 And everyone was redoing the process. 10:19 It got a little messy from time to time. 10:21 I think flat is a lie. 10:23 I think companies, even companies that want to be flat are really bumpy. 10:25 Right, they had temporary hierarchies that form and 10:28 they have to do that to accomplish things but 10:31 then there's hierarchies have to be smashed, cause 10:32 if they stay they start to defend themselves, right? 10:35 And this gets to the concept of being important, which was a problem I had and I 10:38 didn't even realize it but then last year 10:42 I was in Philadelphia at a friend's web shop. 10:46 And I was in their conference room and I saw this poster. 10:48 And the poster said if something is precious to you, throw it away. 10:50 And I started thinking about that, if someone is precious to me. 10:57 And honestly I was burned out. 11:00 I just couldn't do my job anymore. 11:01 Luckily I didn't have to, my job was not doing anything. 11:03 But it came to me, I said, what's precious to me is being important. 11:06 I love going around and getting on stages and 11:11 telling people about who we are and what we do. 11:14 Even if I'm telling them that we love each other and you 11:16 should love each other and all these things, it was still that idea. 11:21 Oh that's not good. 11:23 It was still that idea, everybody just act like nothing has happened. 11:25 >> [LAUGH]. 11:28 Okay? 11:29 Woo! 11:32 But it was still that idea that I was the one doing it. 11:33 I was the one up in the focal point and I still am, 11:38 but I knew that I had to officially stop being a part of the organization. 11:42 And so, on a flight back, I instant messaged somebody at the company. 11:47 And it was somebody that I'd known for a long time and I really trusted. 11:55 And I asked her, I said, could we have dinner tonight? 11:58 Now, when you're the owner of a company and 12:01 you ask somebody who knows you on a plane if 12:03 they can have dinner tonight, you don't always understand 12:05 that you just scared the shit out of somebody, right? 12:07 >> [LAUGH]. 12:09 And she was like, absolutely. 12:10 And even though we live in the same town, we hadn't 12:11 seen each other in a matter of months because we're distributed. 12:13 So we get together for dinner and she 12:16 comes over and we're at this lovely rooftop restaurant. 12:19 And I hadn't seen her in a while and 12:22 she looked great and we're having small talk and 12:23 we're doing different thing and then eventually she looks 12:25 at me and she goes, are you closing the company? 12:27 And he said, no why would you even think it. 12:31 She goes, you've just gotten really withdrawn. 12:34 We've all talked about how you don't even seem to be there. 12:37 So evidentially I wasn't as awesome at it as I thought. 12:40 I thought, they don't even notice, they totally noticed. 12:43 I said, no I don't wanna do it anymore, but I was 12:46 wondering if you wanted to not run the company for a while. 12:50 And she said really? 12:53 And I said yeah and so we talked about that 12:55 and then she asked me, am I the lowest paid employee? 12:58 And I said yeah. 13:03 I said I'm sorry. 13:05 You always told me that. 13:06 You love the company. 13:08 And you didn't care about the money. 13:08 And it was just one of those things. 13:10 When you own a company you get so wigged out about the money that if 13:12 somebody tells they're ok, at least in my case, I didn't do anything about it. 13:15 And then she got a look on her face and she goes, do I get a raise? 13:21 And I said, you're asking the wrong person, that's your decision. 13:26 And she said, oh, and I said, yeah. 13:31 And I'll give you this advise, whatever 13:34 you think you should give yourself, double it. 13:37 Because, there's gonna come a time, where the 13:40 money is tied and you're not gonna pay yourself. 13:42 So, when things are okay, make sure you are. 13:45 She did end up giving herself a raise after I hounded her about it. 13:48 But it wasn't as much as I thought it should be. 13:52 And then she went on and I officially told the team 13:55 and I made, wrote a little post about it and stepped out. 13:58 The team actually started thriving and doing better 14:02 than they ever had when I was there. 14:05 What I didn't realize is that as an owner, I cast a shadow on everyone. 14:06 That made them think somebody was going to do things but as soon as I stepped out 14:10 of the actual room sunlight came in and they 14:14 all stood up and started doing things like client 14:17 gifts which we had never been able to get out the door, or this thing called a 14:19 budget which I'd heard about but never seen in 14:23 action before, including a line item called owner compensation. 14:26 >> [LAUGH]. 14:29 That was a shitty scroll. 14:31 I was like what, what, what, oh guys! 14:32 [SOUND] Thanks. 14:34 >> [LAUGH]. 14:34 But over time, we were supposed to get together once a week 14:36 to have lunch and she was gonna tell me how things were going. 14:39 And we did and things were going fine. 14:43 There would be something to talk, normally something 14:45 I had done that I needed to undo. 14:47 And over a matter of a month and a half one day she called 14:49 and said if you want to have lunch this week that's great but we are 14:52 okay and it was a very sad day for me because i was telling 14:55 Paul earlier it was like sending my kids off to college and they never called. 14:59 They didn't need beer money, they weren't coming home, nothing. 15:04 And then one day she did call. 15:08 And she said, hey let's get together for lunch because we 15:09 have an issue and I wanna talk about it in person. 15:12 I went okay. 15:14 She goes it's a financial thing and I went okay. 15:15 So I'm thinking to myself, okay maybe it's a tax thing maybe somebody's 15:18 got an expense item for like, I don't know, a boat in Fiji. 15:22 Like everybody's trying to figure it out, so we get through with the lunch 15:25 and I sit down and I go what's going on and I'm so excited. 15:28 And she goes, it's about your corporate American Express card. 15:30 And I go, okay. 15:35 And she says it appears that your personal Netflix, Spotify 15:37 and a few other services are on the company card. 15:42 And at first I started to step up on my ego. 15:48 And say, you mean to tell me that you gonna ask me- 15:52 that I started this damn thing. 15:55 But then I realized, they are doing me a favor that nobody else 15:58 is going to do and I just said, I will gladly remove them. 16:01 And I did and I made sure that I did nothing to 16:05 take advantage of what they were doing or what I was doing. 16:07 And honestly, that first three months they were in the company 16:11 was the most successful quarter in the history of the company. 16:14 That also makes me feel like shit. 16:17 But, that's fine. 16:19 So, my five year old and everybody I've ever worked with better at this than me. 16:21 But then I ended up with a lot of time on my hands and it was difficult. 16:26 And people always ask me the same question, what 16:32 do you do now that you have all this time. 16:35 Last year I traveled around and talked to a 16:38 lot of people with one question, when time and 16:39 money don't matter what is it you would do 16:42 every day because that's what you're supposed to do. 16:44 If time and money was not an issue, what would you do? 16:47 It's easy to ask that question but as time and money became 16:51 less of an issue for me, it's a damned hard question to answer. 16:54 Right? 16:58 And I tried and I tried and I flailed. 16:59 I had so many ideas that were pathetic and 17:02 my friends were just like, oh you're so cute. 17:04 Look at him, he's trying to be successful. 17:06 And eventually I realized I'm asking the wrong question. 17:09 The question I need to ask is, when was I the happiest? 17:12 And also the most successful and also doing the best things for my family? 17:16 And it came back to that day. 17:21 That day with Caley when she accomplished something I couldn't. 17:24 And so I decided I was gonna try to figure out what was it she knew that I didn't. 17:28 Right now at the time Caley was 11. 17:33 She was no longer five, so I had gone from being a God to being an idiot like that. 17:37 Right, oh she's still really sweet, she doesn't do it to my face, but I can tell. 17:42 I can tell, she turns the eyes roll, I can feel it. 17:45 But I ask myself what does she know that I don't know and 17:48 then I started realizing that's the wrong question, it's what didn't she know. 17:51 What have I convinced myself is true that is not because 17:55 she showed up with a clean mind, the uncarved block and succeeded. 17:59 And the first thing I thought about was stress. 18:03 Kids go through stress, right, but 18:09 they rebound really well, they're very resilient. 18:12 Adults, especially in America, possibly in all of the 18:16 west, we don't know how to turn stress off, right? 18:19 The purpose of stress is to escape a lion or some other predator. 18:25 All of your non-essential systems shut down. 18:30 Adrenaline shoots into your body and you can 18:33 move faster for a short period of time. 18:35 And then in three minutes you are either okay or you're lunch. 18:36 But either way the stress mechanism turns off, right? 18:40 Zebras would not understand what the hell our problem is when we get stressed out in 18:44 traffic encased in a metal where nothing could possibly get to us but we are like 18:47 And stress is bad for us, right? 18:54 Well, it turns out it's not, a University 18:56 of Wisconsin study asked 30,000 people two questions. 19:00 The first question, how much stress did you 19:05 have in your life in the previous year? 19:07 A lot, some, or none. 19:10 Right. 19:13 Second question, do you believe stress is bad for your health? 19:15 Yes or no. 19:19 And then they watch death records for eight years to see who died. 19:20 Right? 19:25 Think about that for a minute. 19:26 That research. 19:28 Hey, we got one. 19:29 >> [LAUGH]. 19:30 So what they found was that if you had a high 19:31 level of stress in your life, you were 43% 19:36 more likely to die than somebody who didn't. 19:41 But, that was only true if you thought stress was bad for you. 19:47 In fact, if you were a high level of stress but didn't 19:53 think it was bad for your health, you were the lowest category. 19:58 Lower then somebody with a low amount of stress that thought it was bad for them. 20:02 Think about that for a second. 20:05 The belief that stress was bad, was worse than the stress itself. 20:07 In fact believing that stress was bad for you would have been the number fifteen 20:11 killer in America ahead of HIV/AIDS, skin cancer and homicide. 20:15 Because we believe it's bad for us. 20:22 When we don't think it's bad for us our body 20:24 acts differently and releases different chemicals to repair the damage, right. 20:26 This is crazy. 20:30 So kids don't suffer the way we do because they don't know 20:32 that stress is supposed to be bad, they just felt that way. 20:37 But if you start thinking that stress is my body 20:39 rising to a challenge, getting ready to kick ass, you're okay. 20:42 Kelly McGonigal has an amazing Ted talk about this. 20:45 I think that the other thing and this is something that Kelly mentioned 20:50 is that it is better to chase meaning than to avoid discomfort, right? 20:53 So it's better to set up the damn lemonade 21:01 stand than to worry about it being 30 degrees, right? 21:02 But that is true for our health. 21:06 It's like you have to chase what you want. 21:08 And if you just try to avoid discomfort you're going to hurt yourself. 21:11 Another thing that kids know that we forget is 21:17 that it's important to have physical contact with others, right. 21:21 Kids, if you've ever taken a kid to 21:25 preschool or kindergarten or you've seen them hang out. 21:27 When they're leaving they often hug. 21:31 I'm happy to see a resurgence of hugging in the states, right? 21:34 I like to think I'm a part of it. 21:37 I'm sorry for the people that I creeped out but 21:38 it's important and when we actually hug we release oxytocin, okay? 21:41 Oxytocin is a hormone that repairs our heart. 21:46 Right? 21:51 It relaxes our blood vessels and lowers the chance of all kinds of things 21:52 from heart disease obviously stress, diabetes. 21:57 I mean all of these things that just physical contact helps with 22:02 and when we get stressed out our body releases hormones that make us 22:08 crave human contact because we have to get through things together but as 22:14 we become adults we're convinced we have to do it on our own. 22:18 Forget that Michael Jordan had a coach, right. 22:21 Every great successful person had somebody that mentored them. 22:24 We constantly feel like we have to do it by ourselves. 22:27 Kids normally don't feel that way. 22:31 They may want to accomplish something on their own. 22:32 But they don't mind working together. 22:34 Kids sleep. 22:39 This is Alyssa who was at the front there. 22:40 On average, kids sleep about 40% of their childhood. 22:44 Right. 22:48 Adults less than 27%. 22:49 Sleep became the enemy, sleep has been vilified. 22:52 Edison thought that sleep was a criminal, right? 22:56 I think Thatcher actually said that sleep was for wimps, right? 23:00 But the reality is, when we sleep and we get good sleep, we're more productive. 23:05 Our brains operate 300% more, right. 23:12 300% more affective after a good night sleep. 23:15 We all know that if we don't get enough sleep, we're 23:20 cranky, we can seemed to focus, all of these issues, right. 23:22 And it's not eight hours of sleep or 8.5 hours, it's how much you need. 23:27 Kids sleep, until they wake up. 23:32 They generally, don't have alarm clocks, right? 23:33 If you have an alarm clock that wakes you up, you're not getting enough sleep. 23:36 If you can't get out of bed in the morning you're not getting enough sleep. 23:40 And one of the biggest issues, what happens and think about this, 23:44 what we tell our kids or at least some of us do. 23:46 No more television, you're gonna read a book for a while, right? 23:49 And you fall asleep reading that book and we all do that. 23:52 When we have light sources around us, our brains confuse our body clock. 23:55 If we're looking at computers or iPads or even when we brush 24:02 our teeth before we go to bed in a brightly lit bathroom. 24:05 Our brain's saying, hey, time to stay up! 24:09 Time to stay up! 24:11 It doesn't release the melatonin that we need to actually get a deep sleep. 24:12 So try just 30 minutes. 24:16 I know you guys are like, Carl, I can't unplug. 24:18 I'm way too important. 24:19 >> [LAUGH]. 24:20 >> Just for 30 minutes before you go to bed 24:20 and then add that extra hour or whatever you need. 24:24 I know if you get eight hours of sleep, you only have 16 hours a day to work. 24:27 And I know that's a pain in the ass. 24:30 I know you can't get everything done but I have faith in you. 24:32 You also, if you get enough sleep, you're less likely to get flu or colds, right? 24:36 So you're gonna work more. 24:41 You're less likely to have a problem with obesity. 24:43 Because if you don't get enough sleep, when you wake up, your body 24:46 craves carbohydrates cause it thinks it needs something to kick it into gear. 24:48 Specifically sugars, so make sure that you're 24:52 out there and you're getting that sleep. 24:55 I think the one that scares me the most is you're four times 24:57 more likely to have a stroke or stroke like symptoms if you're sleep deprived. 25:00 Mental illness has been linked to sleep deprivation. 25:04 Kids get it, until we teach them not to and this actually. 25:08 It's been shown that teenagers need nine hours of sleep and their 25:12 body clock makes them stay up later and sleep through the day, right? 25:15 So I'm not gonna let my kids off the hook 25:20 on that one but, you guys do what you want. 25:22 Being outside. 25:26 Most kids love to go outside until 25:28 we convince them that there's something better inside. 25:29 Being outside is good for our health, it's good for our creativity. 25:32 We all feel good when we're outside. 25:36 One of the most amazing things about being outside? 25:38 It's a treatment for ADD and ADHD, right? 25:41 It's one of the best non-medical treatments, non-pharmaceutical treatments. 25:44 There's so much going on, that these kids are suddenly feeling saturated. 25:49 And this is one of the things that gets me 25:55 too, is it feels like we're medicating our geniuses, right? 25:56 We're saying in industry, we've gotta be disruptive but heaven help 26:00 you if you have a child that's disruptive in the classroom. 26:04 Right? 26:07 We're saying think different but then we put together standardized tests. 26:08 The hell, right? 26:11 Were going outside makes us nicer. 26:15 It actually also helps fight obesity. 26:19 And one of the amazing things, it helps with our vision, which 26:20 I wish I had gone outside a lot earlier in my life. 26:23 The brain on the left is probably where you want to vacation. 26:30 Looks nice. 26:33 Nice island, blue waters. 26:34 But that's what happens when we're sitting at a computer just doing our work. 26:36 The one on the right is what happens when we go 26:42 for a 20 minute walk they've shown that even walking indoors. 26:44 If you walk outdoors, you're gonna really get an impact. 26:47 But look at how much more active that brain is, that's why when we go 26:49 for a walk we can solve problems because our brain kicks into gear and a lot 26:53 of times because we have other stimulus that 26:57 we're looking at we forget to think about 26:59 the problem and that's when our brain says 27:01 thank God you stopped asking, here's the answer. 27:02 That's why we figure things out in the shower. 27:06 Or we get a good nights sleep and we wake up with 27:07 the answer, we've stopped asking our brain and that acute stress is gone. 27:09 And it can tell us now one 27:13 of my absolute favorite is playing games. 27:16 Right? 27:21 So Kelly McGonigal has a twin sister Jane McGonigal who wrote a book called 27:22 Reality is Broken and in this book she talks about the benefits of games. 27:26 Now she talks specifically video games but I think it's true across all games. 27:31 They're obviously good for our brain power. 27:35 We are using our brains a lot more. 27:37 They teach us to negotiate with each other. 27:38 They teach us to be social. 27:40 Right? 27:42 They are fun, I think one of the best is 27:43 they teach us cooperation and team work. 27:50 This particular game is called Bubble War. 27:53 Alyssa wanted to be outdoors that day and 27:56 I wanted to be inside playing first-person shooter. 27:57 So we negotiated. 28:01 And the game is this bubble machine is shooting out bubbles. 28:02 And we both have squirt bottles. 28:05 And if the squirt, if any bubble gets to the roofline then we're done. 28:07 Now during this we have to be keeping 28:11 track silently of how many bubbles we've shot. 28:13 And the goal is to combine for a 28:15 high score and not to compete against each other. 28:17 So I would love to see the brain activity. 28:19 Look at how serious she is man, she's got a 28:21 stance going but the idea of the brain power that we're 28:22 probably doing and the way we're coming up with the 28:27 game together and we're doing all these things is just fabulous. 28:29 But the secret weapon that kids have is smiling. 28:33 It sounds like hippie shit and I know it. 28:38 >> [LAUGH]. 28:40 I get this, but it's medical science people. 28:42 Medical science has shown this. 28:45 Smiles are the most powerful thing that we have. 28:48 How many of you believe that if you eat chocolate it's a good mood enhancer. 28:52 Like you get depressed, you get upset 28:55 about something and you eat chocolate, right? 28:57 Okay. 28:59 So, one smile, one authentic smile is the 29:00 equivalent, chemically, of 2,000 bars of chocolate, 2,000. 29:03 It's chemically the equivalent of receiving $25,000 29:09 in cash with no expectation of work. 29:12 That's crazy. 29:17 But the bigger thing and I'm convinced this was part of the lemonade stand when 29:18 we smile we're more attractive to others, right, 29:23 when we smile it begins this circle and 29:27 what it is, is we smile and because we're smiling we feel more confident and 29:31 we feel happier and we actually feel courage 29:35 in a way just like things are great. 29:38 And then somebody sees that and smiles are addictive. 29:39 Right? 29:42 So, somebody sees you smiling and they 29:43 smile and then they feel better about themselves. 29:44 And you see them smile and you feel better about yourself. 29:48 So, you just have a big love fest. 29:50 [LAUGH] And the whole time, your body is releasing more of those chemicals, more 29:52 of those hormones that repair a lot of the damage that you have been through. 29:56 Now they've actually shown from using baseball cards that the 30:00 breath of your smile can determine the length of your life. 30:04 They took baseball cards from players in the 60's, players who did not 30:08 smile at all in their photo, died around 71 years of age, right? 30:12 If they had a big smile, they live to almost 80 and 30:17 if it was right in the middle, it was right in the middle. 30:22 Right? 30:24 And they characterize this across, Barack Obama 30:24 is going to live forever, guys, forever. 30:26 Kids smile on average 400 times a day. 30:34 Adults? 30:42 Less than 20, some less than 5. 30:44 Think about that. 30:47 Right? 30:49 That's their secret weapon is that smile. 30:51 And it's almost impossible not to smile when somebody else is. 30:56 And it is been proven to be impossible to frown 30:58 when you are in the presence of people that are smiling. 31:01 But there is a problem and that's, that our kids grow up. 31:05 And today kids believe it is perfectly acceptable and 31:11 normal to talk to somebody while looking at a device. 31:14 Because they've seen us do it, right and when they 31:17 start connecting through devices they stop getting the good stuff. 31:21 When we check Twitter we get dopamine and dopamine is just encouraging us to 31:26 check Twitter again, but it doesn't give us the healthy benefits of an oxytocin. 31:31 Right? 31:37 We don't get that benefit of actually hanging out and seeing each other. 31:38 So being a dad and see my kids get sucked more and more 31:42 into their devices and being the party that was responsible and my wife. 31:46 I decided I had to figure something out from this research 31:50 and find a way to get my kids off their devices. 31:53 I couldn't just tell them. 31:55 Right? 31:57 Cause that doesn't work, I had to give them a better option. 31:57 So I came up with a game that I called Dangerous Wave. 32:00 Now they begged me not to do this but when I would take them into school in the 32:05 morning, I would wave to every person we saw as we were driving, right? 32:10 Now the reason this game came about was because I wanted to smile at everyone. 32:17 But Alyssa in her 11 year old wisdom said, dad, I love you very much. 32:23 But you're a middle aged guy. 32:29 And if you smile at people, I don't think it's gonna have the impact you think. 32:31 It's gonna be a totally different effect. 32:35 >> [LAUGH]. 32:37 And I said, okay, well then we need a precursor. 32:38 Now we're driving. 32:41 So I can't say hello and smile. 32:42 So we'll do the dangerous wave. 32:44 I have done some informal research on this. 32:47 And I will tell you that there's only one group that will not wave back to me. 32:50 And that is middle aged white males. 32:54 Now, I don't know if we're all a bunch of jerks. 32:58 >> [LAUGH]. 33:00 Or if we only accept people who are different 33:01 then us and want to have that wave, right. 33:04 Groups were way back. 33:07 I go through airports all over the place and 33:08 I'm hardly keeping exact notes but I probably should. 33:10 But almost every group is willing to wave. 33:13 So we start driving into school. 33:17 And the purpose of the game was how many waves can I get today? 33:19 Now there was one issue with this game. 33:24 I don't live in L.A., I live in Jacksonville, Florida. 33:28 But my youngest daughter went to a school for the arts. 33:32 That's in a very down trodden neighborhood. 33:35 For some reason, they put these School of the Arts 33:37 in bad neighborhoods and politicians think this is gonna help. 33:39 It doesn't. 33:42 What helps is helping those people, right? 33:42 But we would drive and I would get everyone waving except for these four guys 33:45 who would hang out on a Lincoln 33:50 Continental in the front yard of this house. 33:51 And one of them always wore Lakers stuff and we 33:54 called him Laker guy and the guy looked like he wanted 33:57 to kick my ass, right, he normally wouldn't even make eye 34:00 contact and I was determined to get Laker guy to wave. 34:04 Now heaven help me I didn't take a photo 34:09 of him, I took this Kobe Bryant shot instead. 34:11 But I tried, and I tried, and I tried. 34:15 And I could never get him to wave. 34:17 And then finally it hit me. 34:18 I was like, I've got to hit him on a common level. 34:20 We've got to have some connection. 34:23 So the Red Hot Chilli Peppers have a song called Magic Johnson, right? 34:26 And one day, I roll down the windows and I tell the 34:31 girls as we turn onto that street, I'm getting Laker guy today. 34:33 And they just start laughing, you're never gonna get them. 34:36 I'm like I'm gonna get them and so I start 34:38 the song and it's, LA Lakers, fast break makers, right. 34:41 And as the song is playing, he's sitting on 34:44 the hood of the car talking to his friend. 34:47 And he just looks over at me. 34:48 And he goes,. 34:50 >> [LAUGH]. 34:51 And I counted it, >> [LAUGH]. 34:53 Right, because at some point, [APPLAUSE]. 34:56 I reached this guy and my kids never looked at their devices. 34:58 The whole time we are doing this, they are 35:03 just like, dad's crazy, we are all gonna die. 35:05 Let's do it. 35:06 >> [LAUGH]. 35:07 But there was still one person I couldn't get and that was zombie guard. 35:08 >> [LAUGH]. 35:13 This is a picture of zombie guard and that is how she looks every day. 35:15 And I told my oldest daughter Caley, I said you know what? 35:20 I really want to help zombie guard because she looks sick. 35:25 And if we know that giving each 35:30 other smiles and acknowledging each other's existence 35:32 on this planet makes us healthier then we can all have a better life. 35:35 And I really really wanted to get zombie guard to smile. 35:39 And we tried for weeks and she just did not acknowledge us on any 35:42 level and then I almost had this talk done and I 35:47 was getting ready to go to the airport after I dropped my 35:52 daughter off at school and I said Caley this is our last shot. 35:54 When I drop you off, I'm going to the airport. 35:58 And I don't wanna tell people that we couldn't reach zombie guard. 36:00 So Caley did a video. 36:03 Now I'll tell you this, Caley is much 36:05 better at selling hot chocolate then taking videos. 36:07 So if you do have any type of queasiness or 36:10 perhaps, you know, possible epilepsy, you might not wanna watch this. 36:13 [MUSIC] 36:18 >> Oh, I think it's her. 36:21 [SOUND]. 36:21 >> Is it her? 36:22 >> I think so. 36:23 >> Okay, cool. 36:24 >> I'm gonna go slow. 36:25 >> Don't even worry if she sees the camera. 36:26 >> I don't care about that. 36:28 >> Okay. 36:29 We weren't sure if she was gonna be there. 36:29 >> Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's her cause I don't see that. 36:30 >> Just hold it up and just go. 36:32 >> Bright light. 36:34 >> And I'll get her to wave, yeah, 36:35 it's the world I think. 36:40 >> All right, here we go. 36:42 >> [NOISE]. 36:44 >> Here we go you guys. 36:46 >> Here we go you guys. 36:48 >> Starring my dad. 36:51 >> I was a good guy again. 36:53 >> Slow down to about five miles an hour. 37:01 >> Good morning. 37:04 >> Hello. 37:05 >> Oh hey there. 37:05 >> Good morning. 37:08 We got her. 37:09 We got zombie guard. 37:10 It's a little bit like big foot. 37:12 I get that. 37:13 But you know what, when I got back in town we kept waving and we kept waving 37:15 and she started waving first, right, she would 37:20 be there [SOUND] hey, she started recognizing the car. 37:23 And I've never had a more joyful experience then right after that 37:27 video when Caley reached over and and just grabbed me shaking me 37:30 and I almost wreck, right, but she's like grabbing me like we 37:34 did it, we did it, and I was like yeah we did. 37:37 We showed that we can still hang out and 37:40 we can still connect and we can still be friends. 37:42 And everybody can have fun and we can make each other healthier. 37:44 So, I have one very, very selfish request of you because I am in front of all 37:47 of you right now and I am gonna get 37:52 an amazing amount of positive energy out of this. 37:53 But smile. 37:57 >> [LAUGH]. 37:57 Thank you very much. 38:01 >> [APPLAUSE] 38:03
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